Belle de Journal
by Jessica Simpson-Bourget
Summary: Began as something I dashed off in honor of Cheers' anniversary, but will occasionally update with Diane journal entries tied to episodes in no particular order as inspiration strikes.
1. Chapter 1

September 30, 1982

Dear Diary,

This has been, without a doubt, the day from hell, and quite possibly the worst day of my life. You see, Diary, Sumner proposed to me today, and no, that is not the hellish part, though perhaps in retrospect, it was. In any event, after accepting his proposal and riding a euphoric high for approximately one hour, I was eviscerated by increments in the most humiliating manner possible, in front of a room full of strangers in a basement bar. My heart was turned inside out for the amusement of some of the most loutish people I've ever had the misfortune to encounter. Sumner left me. Apparently, the idea of marrying me was not a well-considered life decision made from a deep and abiding love for me, but a momentary flight of fancy which came as easily as it went. He changed his mind about the engagement and unceremoniously ran off with his ex-wife Barbara on our honeymoon, while I sat on a barstool earnestly waiting for him like the fool that I am. I am devastated beyond comprehension.

Diary, the heartbreak of losing Sumner is one thing, but on top of that, I was left bereft of employment or any future prospects whatsoever, and the rent due in a little over a week. Not knowing what on earth I'd do next, I accepted a waitressing position at that very same bar! Yes! I tell you, I still don't know what I was thinking. When the owner of the place offered me the job, I laughed in his handsome face. Yes, he's quite handsome, but very smug—is it wrong that I noticed how handsome he is (among other things) on such a day? More on that another time, I suppose. Anyway, after a while, I guess I came to realize that I really had nowhere else to turn. I couldn't dare go to Mummy, certainly not like this, and I couldn't possibly go on being Sumner's teaching assistant.

Well, perhaps it's the survivor or the rebel in me, but I took the job. Can you imagine Mummy's reaction? Or any of my friends'? I'm utterly humiliated, but at the same time exhilarated by this twist of fate. By completely debasing myself in this way, I've freed myself from all expectations, including my own, and for once, I have no idea what will become of me. It is both terrifying and liberating at the same time.

This opens up a whole new paradigm for me, amongst the working class, doing manual labor. There simply must be a book in this, I'm sure of it. And those cretins in the bar? Well, they really aren't so bad once you engage them a bit. They were actually rather sweet, now that I think about it, especially Sam (the handsome, smug owner I mentioned before). And the bar's name is "Cheers". A good omen, perhaps? Plus, it turns out that I have this preternatural talent for remembering drink orders! Who knew this was one of my gifts? And who knows how many more I've yet to discover?

So Diary, though this day has indeed been a catastrophe of epic proportions, it has also been a small victory for me. My life going forward is in my own hands. Not Mummy or Daddy's, not Sumner's. Mine. Call me a cockeyed optimist, but when all is said and done, this may well turn out to be the very best day of my life.

DC

P.S. Upon further reflection, I think perhaps Sam was right. Sumner is goofy. I'm glad we are Donne. Ha!


	2. Chapter 2

October 21, 1982

Diary,

I am… flummoxed. Almost without words, really, but that's a good one to describe my state of mind at the moment. Sam kissed me. Sam kissed me! We were in the back room at work and I was giving him a little pep talk, when suddenly, he grabbed me and kissed me. Hard. I can still smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his breath on my face and his lips on mine. He was utterly swept away, perhaps by the passion in my words, but then quite possibly by me(!).

Unfortunately, I never got the chance to find out which, because (and it pains me to commit this to print but…) I instinctively, and completely without thought tossed him over my shoulder and onto the pool table! I'm wincing just thinking about it. Why I did that, I will never ever know! Perhaps I've become overly defensive in my new surroundings… Perhaps I've become insecure due to all of life's recent upheavals… Perhaps I've become distrustful of men in general… Perhaps I delight too much in our sparring... Perhaps I'm in self-destruct mode and am fully sabotaging my entire life! Perhaps I'm just overdue for a visit to my therapist.

I really don't know, Diary, but what I can finally admit to myself is that I've wanted Sam to kiss me, and to kiss him back, for a while now. Maddening though he is, I wanted it the first time I laid eyes on him, Sumner be damned. There. I've confessed it. As devastated as I was when Sumner left me for Barbara, I was just as mentally unfaithful to him the minute Sam walked in the room. And God, the thoughts I've had since! Lately, I've caught myself carefully considering the curve and fullness of his mouth at the oddest moments. When he licks his lips, I just about come undone. When he moves behind me at the bar, it's all I can do not to writhe against him. Who could ever have imagined that this would be the guy I lose all sense over? A baseball player/bartender! Nevertheless...

I've been so careful to control myself, channeling my energies into our banter (which I must admit is sometimes a fun end unto itself), because I couldn't live with myself if I became a mere conquest. Certainly not after the Sumner debacle. I just don't know how much longer I can conceal my wants. It's become terribly distracting to the point that I'm having difficulty remembering my drink orders—a gift I've only recently discovered, and my saving grace as a waitress! Why he keeps me on I'll never know. Although after tonight, perhaps I have an inkling.

Oh, but now I've blown it, haven't I? He'll never try to kiss me again, certainly not after that impetuous display. Now he probably thinks he repulses me, which couldn't be further from the truth. How does one even begin to correct such a misapprehension though? I would invite him to try again, but again, I don't want to be _that_ kind of woman in his eyes. Besides, when I questioned him about the kiss, he said it was spontaneous and not to worry about him thinking anything more would ever happen. Boy, I really messed things up! Although I must say we did have a nice talk afterward about baseball and some character named "The Boog" (n.b. I'll have to do some research on this). Still, I don't know how I'll ever live this down. I'm so embarrassed, and it's all my own doing.

So you see my conundrum, Diary. I'm now working closely with someone I want desperately, but whom I've literally tossed away with both hands. He probably thinks I'm the world's biggest prude or just plain psychotic. If only I could turn back time to that moment, and return his kiss. If I could just show him how much I want him, and act on my desire. Well, after assaulting him the way I did tonight, I'm going to have to bide my time and hope the opportunity arises again. Oh, please please, let it arise again soon!

DC


End file.
